Dear me,

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In just a few years that will go by way too fast, you are going to be old. You’re probably not gonna feel like you’re old, but you will be. Remember how 40 used to seem ancient? Doesn’t seem so old anymore, right? I imagine that it will be the same with every decade that you approach. So, although you might never feel like it, you’ll get there. You’ll be old. And that whole “you’re only as old as you feel”…yeah, that’s a bunch of crap. Because even if you don’t feel 100, 100 years is still old.

And when you get there, when you’re old, you’re going to start doubting yourself. A lot. I think it’s inevitable. At least it seems that way from our recent experiences with people that are closer to the grave than they are to the cradle.

So, I want you to remember that you have loved your kids fiercely,  even when they don’t realize it, when they don’t appreciate it and when they don’t reciprocate it. You do your best to make them realize how special they are and that they have incredible potential. You support and encourage them, even when they are making really stupid decisions. You listen to their dreams and you let them know that you are always their biggest cheerleader.

And at work. You give it your all, even on days that you don’t want to be there. You don’t get caught up in gossip or drama. You try your best to encourage others and to support them when they have sometimes off-the-wall ideas. Even though you sometimes have to give yourself a little pep talk to keep going throughout the day, that’s alright, you are doing a good job there.

Your friends know that they are super important to you. Even though you sometimes forget to call or text them back until the middle of the night, and then it’s too late so you’ll do it tomorrow, only you completely forget by then…even with that, they still know that you care. You’re thoughtful and you pray for them and truly love them. You let them know how you feel about them and you make sure to spend time with them, even though it’s not as much as you’d like to. You’re a good friend.

And anytime your family needs something, they know they can count on you. Even though you sometimes beat yourself up because you don’t have as much time as you’d like to spend with them, you’re a good sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin and aunt.

So, when you’re old and you’re reflecting on this life and that inevitable doubt starts to creep in…when all of those nagging feelings that “I could have been better at this…” or “I should have done this better…” or “I wish I would have said…” I just want you to remember that you did your best.   So don’t let those doubts take hold for too long. Don’t let them rob you of the joy of knowing that you loved God and you loved others. And most of the time, you did that really well.

 

 

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